Team Guy, or the Rise of Absurdity
by Blizzart
Summary: Where Lee is an idiot. "SAKURA, WAIT FOR ME!" Where Neji is a bitch. "If you're thinking of Sakura, you really ARE hopeless." Where Tenten... is Tenten. "Why must they ALWAYS be like this?"
1. Introduction

**So, yeah. My first fanfiction in English (bonjour, baguette, fromage). And... I don't know what to say. There will (hopefully) be a hundred chapters! Here's the introduction!**  
**By the way, I got this idea by being lost (as always) on Tumblr. I saw some comics, boom; inspiration came to me. Isn't that great? One of the comics was about Team Guy's horoscopes and Neji being a crybaby. Sorry, author of this wonderful artwork, for forgetting your name.**

**And, yeah, I know, the characters are, like, completely OoC. But, who cares? It's a parody (I think). Love yall.**

**Happy reading.**

* * *

"Okay, so your horoscope says: 'If you can envision it, you can make it a reality'," Tenten read, her buns slightly loose for once.

"Really?!" Lee roared, his eyes _literally_ sparkling. He continued, "What's next, what's next?!"

"Calm down!" Tenten chuckled. She was holding the newspaper, sitting in the lotus position on the verdant grass of Konoha. "So… 'As the fiery Archer, your outgoing, adventurous nature is backed by your power planet, optimistic Jupiter'—"

"What about _love_?" Lee asked, no, _demanded_. Next to him, Neji scoffed, lowering his book with a raised eyebrow.

"If you're thinking of Sakura" –he tossed his ponytail over his shoulder in a bitchy manner– "you really _are_ hopeless."

Lee's eyes went wide as he frowned… which created a monobrow. Whereas Tenten would have thought he would challenge Neji into _another_ battle, he did nothing of the sort. Instead, he lowered his head.

"Neji…" their friend began with a deep voice. Oh, no; did Neji say something wrong? Tenten looked at the Hyūga with a grimace; should he apologize? "YOU KNOW ME SO WELL!" Lee roared with tears flooding his round face; there was also a long line of snot dripping from his nostril.

Neji moved backwards, still sitting cross-legged, disgust showing on his face. His hand in front of him, he shouted in an authoritative way:

"Don't touch me!"

"But, Neji!" Lee cried.

"Don't… touch… me!"

And there was Tenten, watching with weariness her two comrades. One could see a drop of sweat rolling down her temple. _Why must they __**always**__ be like this?_ she internally cried. She hit herself with the newspaper in despair.

* * *

There was Team Guy. With Lee sniffing "Neji!", the called one shouting "Don't you dare touch me, you distasteful being!" and Tenten despairingly hitting herself with Konoha's newspaper while screaming "Both of you, _stop_!".

The Rise of Absurdity had begun.

* * *

**Did you like it? If yes, tell me! On the contrary, if you DIDN'T like it, tell me too! And if you saw any mistakes... well... tell me.**

**I really need to improve. Like, _really_. Love yall.**

**Au revoir (baguette, fromage).**


	2. Love

**So... Thanks for checking this story! I don't know what to say... I can only thank the people who read my story, and put it in their favorites, and follow it (and the reviews, of course). Thank you.**

**Now, back to the story! This is the rest of the introduction, that I wrote with the word "Love"! Hope you'll like it!**

**Happy reading.**

* * *

"Okay, but, for real; what does my horoscope say about love?" Lee asked.

The young man had a black eye, due to Neji's Gentle Fist. He didn't seem to be bothered by it, though; moreover, him and Neji were constantly bickering. And –although Tenten would never admit it– he deserved that one: jumping on the Hyūga and getting snot all over his pale face was _not_ a good idea.

Next to Lee, Neji was wiping his cheek, a deep frown showing the wrinkles above his nose. His pearly-white eyes were closed.

"Tell him," he sighed. "Then, we can move on."

Tenten nodded and brought the newspaper closer to her face. She skipped to the love section; then, she grimaced.

"Tenten?" Lee called. "Is something wrong?"

"Well, not for me," the young woman responded enigmatically.

Neji, whose eyes were open again and reading his book, looked at his friend while raising an eyebrow.

"Not for you?" he repeated. Tenten only nodded; another sigh left his mouth. "What do you mean?"

_How can people call him a genius when he's so oblivious?_ Tenten couldn't help but think. She just wanted to shake him until his teeth rattle, sometimes.

"I mean," Tenten began, "that Lee's love life isn't all that bright."

"Really?" Lee said, his iris shaking. Tenten felt bad, seeing him like this. "But… but…" He lowered his head; his fists were clenching the grass. "I KNOW THAT QUARRELS CAN HAPPEN IN A COUPLE, BUT SAKURA AND I CAN GET THROUGH THEM!" Lee shouted, his eyes sparkling with the flames of youth.

"THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Tenten shouted back, the veins of her forehead popping out. "You're not even a couple!"

"Yet!" Lee added with a bright smile.

Tenten sighed. He was _hopeless_; truly hopeless. But, hey, it was one of the reasons why she was friend with him.

"Whatever," Neji said, his eyes focused on the lines of his book. "What does Lee's horoscope say?"

"Oh, right!" Tenten recalled. She could see Lee move about in front of her, eager and relentless. "It says: 'Letting go of the past is necessary to move into the future'…"

Silence. Except for the wind's breath and the birds' chirping, there was no sound. Neji and Tenten looked at Lee, slightly worried –although the former would never admit it.

"… So…" Konoha's Beautiful Green Wild Beast began, "I should just forget Sakura…?"

Neji sighed and shrugged. His milky eyes were looking at Lee's, coal-like. "Maybe."

"Lee…" Tenten attempted, extending a hand to her friend.

"Maybe… But I can't!" Lee replied, tears in his eyes. He held a fist towards the sky. "HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT SAKURA'S LOVE FOR ME?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Tenten exclaimed, ready to hit Lee with Konoha's newspaper.

A chuckle escaped Neji's mouth.

"What are we going to do with him…" he chuckled again.

"I KNOW!" Lee yelled; Neji was taken aback by the yell –not because of the intensity of it, but because Lee seemed to answer his question. "I WILL NOW CONFESS MY LOVE TO SAKURA!"

"Again?" his friends asked, Neji being indifferent while Tenten was… well… Tenten.

"I MUST SHOW HER HOW MUCH I CARE FOR HER!" the young man in green continued. Before one of his friends –Tenten– could stop him, there he was, running towards the Red House. "SAKURA, WAIT FOR ME!"

The power of his run was so great that Tenten and Neji had leaves in their hair; moreover, Tenten's buns were now completely loose.

Neji turned his book's page, unshakeable.

"Should we… go after him?" Tenten asked.

"Why bother," Neji answered.

Tenten sighed.

* * *

Yes.

Why bother?

* * *

**My inspiration comes from _Rock Lee & His Ninja Pals_, mostly. Because this TV show is _hilarious_. If you don't know it, it's on Netflix, I think. It's really good!**

**I don't know what to say, so... leave a review if you liked it? Even if you didn't, please tell me what you didn't like! The next chapter will be released next Saturday, and it will be... "Light"!**

**Bye!**


	3. Light

"This is… beautiful," Tenten sighed in admiration.

The moon was full, shining on Konoha with its soft rays. Everyone was gathered in front of the Red House, also known as the Hokage's Mansion. Team Guy was no exception to the rule; Tenten, Lee and Neji were together, as always. Master Guy was challenging his rival since childhood, Master Kakashi, a few meters away.

"This is, indeed, a delightful scene," Neji agreed with a smile.

Fireworks. They were in the sky, painting it with warm colours such as red, orange or yellow. Some were even green and blue; others purple. Thus, the colours of the rainbow. And everyone was looking at the beautiful scenery; how could they not? It wasn't everyday that they all could assist, the Fifth Hokage included, to a night like this.

"I can already feel the sparkling flames of youth circulate through my veins!" Lee exclaimed with a bright smile.

They were dressed in _yukata_; Tenten's _yukata_ was white with red floral pattern, the _obi_ of a light brown and her _geta_ were black. Her hair was loose for once, her locks resting delicately on her shoulders.

Neji's _yukata_ was beige, the _obi_ of a dark brown and his _geta_ were black too. He was holding a fan in his hand; his hair was tied up in a low bun, and his forehead was bare. It seemed that his cursed seal was no more.

Lee's _yukata_ was green –which was, one had to admit, obvious–, the _obi_ and his _geta_ orange. His hair was shining as always, and he was still wearing bandages around his forearms up to his fingers. His eyes were glittering at the sight of fireworks.

"This is nice," Tenten began. She looked at her friends, turning her head left and right –she was in the middle, as always. "It's nice, being here with you two."

"Tenten…" her friends said in unison, seeming touched.

Neji looked at the fireworks in the sky and thought. Tenten and Lee knew this because his brows were slightly furrowed.

"It is… very nice to have you," he admitted.

Was he blushing?

Tenten, tears in her eyes, put her hand on Neji's arm. The Hyūga looked at her.

"Neji—"

"NEJI!"

Lee jumped on Neji, tears rolling down his cheeks. The latter fell on the ground with a surprised yell; Tenten could see, at the corner of her eye, people watching them. A drop of sweat rolled down her temple as she closed her eyes.

"Why… must you… always…" the young woman began to sigh.

"LET ME KISS YOU, NEJI!" It was –obviously– Lee.

"WHAT? NO WAY!" It was Neji.

"A KISS OF FRIENDSHIP!"

"… BE LIKE THIS!" And it was Tenten, _harisen_ in hand, slapping her comrades with it.

* * *

Further away, while Master Guy was doing rock-paper-scissors with Master Kakashi, the latter said, his mouth hidden behind his mask:

"Shouldn't you be checking if your students are alive?"

Guy burst of laughter and looked at Kakashi with a distrustful look.

"I know what you're trying to do, Kakashi!" he exclaimed with a smirk.

The called-one raised an eyebrow, deadpanned. He shouldn't ask, but…

"And what exactly am I trying to do?"

"You're trying to distract me, using the fondness I have for my pupils!" Guy's smirk became wider, if possible, and he pressed his forehead against Kakashi's. "But this will not work. Now… CHOOSE!"

"Rock!" Kakashi.

"Paper!" Guy.

"SCISSORS!" In unison.

* * *

…

"I won," Kakashi said with indifference.

* * *

Guy's holler could be heard to Suna. Temari, Kankuro and Gaara, hearing this, looked at each other: what was happening?


End file.
